starfish aren't starfish anymore

so you didn't care
for complaint that
i was trapped in a
scene forced to
relay information
science of a college
named for the girl
you used to love,
you rescued her
with a kiss when
the lion and bear
team clawed through
my back door, poor
salma hayek lay out
on a picnic table
with the lion eating
her insides. the
garden turned
forgotten.
and katie was only five
in the dream, i
locked both doors after
throwing her inside.
she giggled
when the bear
broke down the doors and
we ran down the hallway.
then some girl with glasses
and small eyes appeared.
you showed up
at my bedroom window
claiming genius in the
form of saying we
should escape and run down
the street to my grandma's.
i let you carry me to
the street and burned
green when you struggled
to lug fat flora to
the curb and kissed her.
the lion looked friendly
and i feared that
slavic-speeched boyish
child even less. then
the lion was hungry and
i flashed back to you
inside of friendless flora.

i reclaimed unconsciousness
and my school grew a stage
big enough for eddie izzard
to arrive. he kissed my cheek
telling me i was the reason
most transvestites fancy girls
and dressed me in a wizard cloak.
he gave me the punch lines
and allowed the laughs in my name.
eddie turned into a younger
boy wearing less leather
and no eyeshadow who
was more in love with me.
we turned the stage into my
grandma's office, the
wedding of the day
ruined itself, the family
found fault in us. (you
were supposed to sit in
the front row but ran.)
maybe honey had finally
found a man to tolerate her
or maybe tara was going to
marry one of her babies'
daddies. they started
throwing chinese teacups
at me. i begged for your
protection, you
watched through closed
eyes, i threw the candle
you kept over our bed back
at them. the glass shattered
and bloody feet brought
angry words to my name.
i fled to the hospital
to remove my wounds.
honey had hurled
the noah's ark tea
set so the animals
two-by-two hit my
blood stream and i
foamed from tooth to
chest. i didn’t think
of you. nurses led me
to friends, we stole
action figures and a stuffed
hedgehog from lana turner's
toy drive, frank o'hara
frowned and called the cops,
we ran and got away.

we are supposed to
haul a boy's body in
to the earth in this rain.
but i don't know him
so they kick me out
and i have nowhere to go.
other friends offer to eat
with me but i hide in the
bathroom then run. i
have no money. the next
store tries to sell me
a purple dress with feathers
and no zipper. but the
store's owner wants me to
join his daughter's swim
team and i put on the diving
cap i held in my back
pocket. the black boys on
the team like that i have ass
for a white girl and my
cousin competes with
our team too,
there's a boy who follows
my races and remembers
my records (of course i
back stroke, it's all i've
ever been good at).
he holds my hand without
permission and isn't doing
very well until he calls
me dollface and i know
he's you.

i hide in your poison
ivy mango skin smiles
because mai wants to
unerase me, amanda
thinks herself forgivable,
and i don't want to go back.
i want only to be
awake a poet
your everything.
i have the audacity
to find "happy" in bore
dom. and i study science
to learn your mind.
i can stand fifteen
minutes of anything.
they would tell me
the truths in this
dream took less than
that to run through
me. real life takes long
er hurts less but
you seem fond of being
messy with words thoughts
love.